The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
