ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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