you guys were way drunker than both of me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
