tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
