Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
