tell your sister to shave her snatch
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
