Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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