The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize