Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
