Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
