Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dick very happy bro
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How naked do you want me to be?
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