Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
