Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
