I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
