found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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