I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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