After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
