i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
