If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
