How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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