i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
