A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
God, I missed his penis.
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