New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
