My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
