Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
