I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize