Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
