Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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