I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
