i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
