Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize