Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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