i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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