The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They took my balls.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
