I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
