Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
