Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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