My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
