masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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