why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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