It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My bed smells like the plague
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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