Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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