If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
