You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
