It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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