I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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