no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Buhtt sex?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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