someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
