he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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