You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
