i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
