I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
