You can't motorboat a personality
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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