She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
