you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
