I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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