We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
