a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
