Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize