went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize