Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
