Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
