after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize