dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
zippers are such a cool invention
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
