sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
