You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
