4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
