Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
