i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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