after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
