my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
