I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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