I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
