i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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