It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
