god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
