He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize